


Crushin' On You (It Goes Both Ways)

by fairytaleslayer



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Coming Out, F/F, Happy, Lexa mostly just needs to talk about her feelings, fluff mostly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-04
Updated: 2015-07-04
Packaged: 2018-04-07 16:06:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,611
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4269573
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fairytaleslayer/pseuds/fairytaleslayer
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lexa has had a crush on her straight friend for months and has kept it a secret. Clarke has a story that could change all that.</p><p>Or</p><p>Clarke isn't as straight as Lexa believed and she has a plan.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Crushin' On You (It Goes Both Ways)

“Hey, Lexa!” Clarke jogged up to where Lexa was supposed to be putting the latest shipment of merchandise away for the retail store they both worked at. Clothes, houseware items, the works. Lexa hated her job, but it paid most of the bills her loan for grad school wouldn’t cover, so she dealt with it.

“What is it, Clarke?” she greeted the blonde. She hadn’t been planning on making any lasting friends while she worked there, but Clarke had sat herself down next to her on the brunette’s second day of work and begun talking to her like she’d known Lexa her whole life. Not being friends with her hadn’t been an option. Clarke had already been there a few months, so she showed Lexa around, let her in on a few secrets to make the job a little less dull, and how to deal with angry or rude customers.

That was the hardest part of the job for Lexa. She wasn’t a people person, and the scowl that sat on her face almost permanently was pretty much just her face. Couple that with a somewhat shy personality, and everyone she met always thought she hated them at first simply because she didn’t speak to them right away. Lexa didn’t know how to fix it, but it kept annoying and grabby men away from her which was all to the good.

“Okay, so I was talking with Lincoln and Bellamy, and Bellamy said something about how he wants to take a weekend and take Octavia to the beach for a couple days. She’s never seen it,” Clarke said excitedly. “And then we talked it over some more, and we thought we could make it a little mini vacation, the five of us. I thought I’d better come out and tell you about it first, though. Before we decided anything.”

Bellamy and Lincoln were two other coworkers Lexa had somehow managed to be roped into being friends with – again because of Clarke. Bellamy’s little sister, Octavia, was six, and he had dropped out of college two years ago after their parents died to work here full time and keep her in school. Lexa liked Bellamy well enough, but she was pretty sure he had a thing for Clarke, which she did not like at all.

 _She_ had a thing for Clarke. The straightest girl to have ever straighted and Lexa was the stereotypical gay as hell girl that of course fell for her right away. It was embarrassing. She thought that she had avoided the whole trope of a straight girl crush, but nope. Twenty-two, and Lexa stepped right into that trap. Clarke didn’t even know that she was gay. Lexa had only informed a select few, mostly because she was a private person and didn’t care for people who weren’t close to her knowing such an intimate detail of her personal life. Thus, no one at her job knew, she’d managed to keep her crush to herself, and she intended to keep it that way until the stupid feelings decided to die their customary death and then she and Clarke could be friends with no awkwardness on her part. Her emotions just had to get with the program.

“Clarke, you do know that the nearest thing to a beach is at least a five hour drive from here,” she deadpanned. “Not to mention, none of us are made of money. I have school to pay for, and so do you and Lincoln. Going to a movie once in a while is one thing, a road trip is a whole other beast. We’d have to get a hotel, not to mention gas and food money.”

“I know, I know,” Clarke interrupted her before she could really get herself going. “But we talked about it. We could get one hotel room, two queen beds. The guys could sleep in one and Octavia will sleep in the other with us. We can bring some food with us so maybe we only have to pay for one dinner. And we’ll take one car. Lincoln has a good one, and we’ll split gas four ways. Come on, Lexa, it’ll be good for us!” Clarke basically pleaded.

Lexa gave in. She always gave in where the artist was concerned. “Okay. You win. Let’s say we do this. Which of us is booking the hotel room?”

Clarke thought about it, serious for once. “Probably you or me. I wouldn’t trust the boys to not go all extravagant. Which means one of us is going to have to check us in when we get there.”

“That’s the other thing,” Lexa pointed out. “Hotels have limits on people per room. They’re not going to let us all in.” She overthought everything, she knew this about herself. But she was raised with the belief that being too prepared was better than missing something when she got to wherever it was she was going in life. It was something she’d held onto, even after her parents were killed. “You should book it, then you can check in with Bellamy and Octavia, like you’re a couple with a kid. Lincoln and I will park the car, you tell us the room number, and we’ll sneak in after you.” It was a solid plan. Lexa was actually a little proud of her own deviousness. Clarke must have been a bad influence on her. She was usually a stickler for rules.

Clarke shook her head. “Why can’t we be the couple?” she asked.

Lexa did a double take. Did she just say that? “W-what?” she stuttered out.

“Why can’t you and I be the couple?” Clarke reiterated. “Who says I have to be dating Bellamy? I don’t want to date Bellamy. We can just be the gay couple, take Octavia in with us as our kid, and the boys can follow us after. They’re boys, but they can fend for themselves without us supervising them for at least ten minutes. Even in a strange city.”

The brunette was reeling. She tried to collect her thoughts. Clarke, her crush – her _straight_ crush – had just invoked every fake dating trope known to mankind. And womankind. Lexa needed to say something. Move the conversation past this so things could go back to normal where she had feelings no one knew about and Clarke would never in a million years be interested in her because she was _so_ heterosexual. “You want us to play a lesbian couple,” she managed to get out.

Clarke shrugged like it was a totally normal suggestion and not currently giving Lexa heart palpitations. “Sure, why not? We could pull it off, don’t you think? We’d be good at it.”

“We’d be fine at it, yes,” Lexa allowed. “One problem, though. No way are we old enough to be a gay couple that have adopted a girl. No one would buy that.” She patted herself on the back. That was a great excuse to not have to pretend to be Clarke’s girlfriend.

Lexa thought that she should have been excited at the prospect of having to be so close – physically and otherwise – to Clarke, but it just felt like lying. Which it was, technically. But it felt like a deception that Clarke thought was innocent and she’d be taking advantage due to her _feelings_. Ugh. Why couldn’t her emotions just take a break? It was weakness, this kind of thinking.

Clarke shook her head. “No, it’ll be fine. I’ve already got a story.”

Her mouth dropped open the slightest bit. “You. Have a story. On why we’re a couple with a kid.”

“Oh, yeah. You see, I had Octavia with some guy I dated in high school, right?” She paused and waited for Lexa to nod that she was following along. “Then we broke up, and I dated a couple other guys, and nothing stuck. Then I started working here. Few months later, you come along.” Clarke grinned.

Now she was worried. Had Clarke guessed how she felt about her? Was this some way for her to embarrass Lexa or out her to everyone? She didn’t think Clarke had a mean bone in her body, but people had unpleasantly surprised her before, and she’d like to think she was not naïve. “I came along,” she prompted.

“Right. So at first we were friends. Then we started hanging out, got to know each other a bit. Then I got curious.”

“You got curious,” Lexa said flatly.

Clarke nodded. “Yeah. I’d never been with a girl before, and I was curious. So we, you know, got together, and I figured out I liked it, and you, and the rest is history. We’ve been dating ever since,” she finished with a flourish. “What do you think?”

Lexa tried to think of something appropriate to say. “It’s – plausible,” she told the blonde hesitantly.

Clarke looked proud of herself. “So we’ll do it that way? Are you free this weekend? The boys and I have it off and thought it’d be nice to not have to wait.”

“I work Saturday but I’ve covered Raven at least six times so she can work it for me,” Lexa agreed.

“Great!” Clarke celebrated. “Okay. I have to go back to the stock room and you need to finish putting this stuff away. But this is awesome. It’s going to be so much fun.” With that, Clarke was off again.

Lexa shook her head. She was in so much trouble. Now she couldn’t get Clarke’s story out of her head, and she couldn’t help desperately wishing that even a little bit of it was true. Lexa scoffed at herself.

If only.

* * *

The weekend came too quickly. Lexa didn’t feel prepared to keep her emotions in check while with Clarke for two whole days. She was just lucky she wasn’t going to be totally alone with the blonde. She’d have some buffers with Octavia and the boys.

Lexa was the last to be picked up. Bellamy was in the front with Lincoln and Octavia was squirming excitedly in the middle of the back seat next to Clarke. She took the last remaining space and pulled on her seatbelt.

“You ready for this?” Clarke asked over Octavia’s head.

Lexa smiled at her. She couldn’t help it. “Yeah, it should be fun,” she admitted. “As long as Lincoln doesn’t crash us fighting with Bellamy over the music,” she accused.

Lincoln immediately sat up straight and Bellamy grinned in triumph, settling down with the iPod. “Have some faith in me, Lex,” he protested.

“She hates that nickname, Linc,” Clarke reprimanded him before Lexa even got the chance to open her mouth. “You know that. Don’t use it.”

He had the courtesy to look sheepish. “Sorry, Lexa,” he apologized.

Lexa waved it off. “Don’t worry about it,” she told him, ignoring the sick feeling in her gut. ‘Lex’ had been her parents name for her. She hadn’t been able to stomach hearing it from anyone else since they’d died. ‘ _Thank you_ ’ she mouthed to Clarke. She merely smiled in response.

“Let’s get this show on the road, Lincoln!” Clarke urged him on. “We want to get there before it gets dark.”

“Yeah, Lincoln!” Octavia shouted in agreement, making Lexa wince at her decibel level.

“Alright, alright. Keep your pants on,” Lincoln said good-naturedly, pulling out of the parking lot.

* * *

Lexa had thought that maybe Clarke would have forgotten about her ‘story’, or that maybe she’d only been teasing, but once they’d pulled into the hotel parking lot, she ordered the boys to stay, taken Octavia by the hand, and nudged Lexa out of the car. The brunette had followed dutifully behind, only moving in front to speak to the desk clerk and check into their room. The clerk gave the little trio an odd look, but didn’t comment as she handed over two room keys.

Lexa threw herself facedown onto one bed. Clarke settled Octavia onto the other in front of the TV and turned on what appeared to be some kind of kid show. Octavia seemed happy with it, her eyes glued to the screen.

“Are you going to text the boys?” Lexa asked Clarke in a muffled voice when she came back over and lay down on her back next to Lexa.

“They can wait a few more minutes,” Clarke dismissed. “I wanted to make sure you were alright.”

“Me?” she asked, confused.

“That didn’t make you uncomfortable at all, did it? Because I saw the way she looked at us, and I’m sorry. It was my idea and I feel bad if it’s my fault you were feeling – embarrassed or awkward because of me,” she explained in a rush.

“It was fine, Clarke,” Lexa was quick to reassure her. “I don’t care what most people think of me.”

“Do you – do you care what I think about you?” Clarke inquired hesitantly.

Lexa surprised herself by nodding. “I do. That’s why –”

“Is that why –” Clarke began at the same time. She blushed. “You go ahead.”

“That’s why – I didn’t tell you – I didn’t want you to have a problem – I didn’t want to lie –” Lexa struggled to say. It had never been this hard to tell someone before. Maybe it was because she truly didn’t know how Clarke would react. Although if she was homophobic, Lexa doubted Clarke would have suggested the two of them playing a couple. She finally decided to just go for it. She glanced at Octavia. She was still engrossed in her television. “You know I’m gay, right?” she finally asked in a small voice.

Clarke gave her the gentlest smile she had ever seen, her eyes sad. “I didn’t want to assume, but yes, Lexa,” she confirmed quietly. “I guessed. I wanted you to trust me enough to tell me on your own, though.”

“I do trust you, Clarke,” Lexa insisted, surprising herself as she said it. “I don’t trust easily, but I’ve always trusted you.”

“I know it’s hard for you, so I appreciate it,” Clarke said sincerely. Lexa took a deep breath, making her grin. “Feeling better?” Lexa nodded. “So I can ask you a question?” Another nod. “Are you attracted to guys at all, or is it just girls?”

“So far only girls. I call myself lesbian, but I don’t really like to restrict myself or put a label on it. If a guy ever interested me, I wouldn’t dismiss it simply on the fact he had a – male parts,” she corrected herself, eyeing Octavia.

Clarke chuckled. “Cool. So are you dating anyone?”

Lexa blanched. She should have been expecting that question. “No, not anymore,” was the answer she decided on.

“What happened?” Clarke asked, innocently curious.

“She died. Don’t you think it’s time we texted the boys? I think we’ve left them alone long enough,” Lexa changed the subject abruptly. “I have to use the restroom.” She rolled off the bed and stalked to the bathroom, shutting the door behind her. She gripped the counter with shaking hands, trying to get her breathing under control.

She had to get over these feelings. It was a stupid little crush. It didn’t mean anything in the long run. She’d _loved_ Costia. What she felt for Clarke was nothing similar. She’d learned the hard way.

Love like that was weakness. One she couldn’t afford.

* * *

Lexa had been moody all afternoon. The boys had known well enough to not comment on that or the fact that they’d been left waiting in the car for over half an hour. Once they’d finally gotten to the room, Octavia had remembered that the ocean was somewhere nearby and the whole reason they’d come, and had insisted Bellamy take her there immediately.

So they were all now at the beach. Lexa had distanced herself from the group, sitting on the blanket and watching the waves wash in and out. Clarke kept shooting her worried glances, but Lexa didn’t see them. The boys had picked up on the tension, but didn’t know what to do about it, so they kept Octavia busy and out of the way, hoping Clarke could talk Lexa out of whatever funk she was in.

Finally, Clarke worked up the courage to approach. Lexa sighed, but kept her eyes fixed on the water. She expected the standard apology, but Clarke merely sat down next to her, gazing at the waves as well. She didn’t break the silence until a few minutes later. “I know what it’s like,” she eventually said. “To lose someone you love more than anyone in the world. I know how it changes you. Inside. How all dates are significant because now they’re segregated. There’s a before and after. And you turn to them but they aren’t there anymore. And it’s cliché, but it’s like this great big gaping hole in your chest, because you made all this room for them, but they’re not there to fill it anymore. I know what it’s like.”

Lexa stared at Clarke, unable to say a word. Clarke didn’t move, still watching the water. Whether or not the conversation continued was up to Lexa. She took a deep breath. “Her name was Costia,” she began reluctantly. “We dated for just over three years. A drunk driver hit her car two years ago next month. She didn’t survive the ride to the hospital.” Maybe stating it clinically would make it painless.

Still Clarke didn’t say she was sorry, which Lexa was extremely grateful for. “My dad died when I was eighteen,” she explained instead. “I haven’t spoken to my mother since. It was her fault.”

“We’re both a little fucked up,” Lexa joked.

Clarke laughed, shaking her head. “Listen, Lexa. I know it hurts. It’s not something you ever get over, take my word for it. My dad haunts me just as much as I’m betting Costia haunts you. But – I like you, Lexa.”

Lexa looked at her quizzically, meeting Clarke’s eyes for the first time. “I like you too?”

Clarke shook her head. “No. Lexa –” she sighed. “Lexa I’m bi.” Lexa stiffened. “I didn’t know it until I met you, really, although I kind of always wondered. I just never – found a girl I was interested in. Until I met you. And just because you’re gay doesn’t mean I expect us to hook up,” she rushed to continue. “But I’ve liked you pretty much since we met, before I even had an inkling of your sexuality. And I want to do stupid stuff with you. Things we do already, but I want to kiss you in your hallway, and I want to hold your hand, and I want to see that tattoo on your back that you hide so well. So – ball’s in your court. If you think you maybe want to give what I said a shot, say the word. If you’re not interested in me at all, then say that, but I think Costia and my dad wouldn’t want us using them as an excuse to be alone anymore and I just –”

“Clarke?” Lexa interrupted the blonde’s ramble. Her heart was going a mile a minute. She’d never even considered the possibility of Clarke wanting to be with her the way Lexa wanted to. Hadn’t allowed herself to consider it.

“Yeah?” Clarke asked breathlessly.

Lexa turned fully towards the blonde. She placed a hand on the back of her head and gently pulled Clarke in, giving her plenty of time to back away. Clarke didn’t take the opportunity. Instead she pushed forward into Lexa, pressing her lips against the brunette’s. It was gentle. Chaste. And interrupted all too quickly by the sound of loud cheers coming from Lincoln and Bellamy.

Clarke turned to yell at them, but Lexa tugged her into a more insistent kiss, flipping the boys off as she did so. Clarke surged forward to straddle Lexa’s lap, eagerly returning the kiss.

Less than a minute later, they were rudely torn apart once again, this time when Bellamy grabbed Clarke and threw her over his shoulder.

“Hey –” Lexa began to protest, but was cut off by Lincoln giving her the same treatment.

“For that disgustingly public display of affection,” Bellamy teased, “I feel we have no choice but to cool you two off before you scar my sister for life. So, here you go.”

The two girls were unceremoniously dumped into the frigid waters of the Atlantic Ocean. They both cried out as the cold stunned them. The boys ran off, cackling.

Once she had regained a modicum of the breath stolen from her, Lexa glanced at Clarke, who was looking a little blue. She grabbed the blonde’s hand, hauling her out of the water and up the beach to grab their towels. She toweled off Clarke’s hair while Clarke dried the rest of her body. Lexa didn’t even mind the fact that she was still dripping wet.

“You’re going to catch a cold if you don’t get dry soon,” Clarke murmured, turning to help Lexa once she was dressed in drier clothes.

Lexa didn’t care all that much. “Go out with me tomorrow after we get back,” she said suddenly.

Clarke froze. “What?” she asked.

“Go out with me,” Lexa repeated. “Because I want to hold your hand too, and kiss you in my hallway, and in my apartment, and in your apartment, and on the sidewalk, and in your bed. And I want to show you all my tattoos – not just the one on my back.”

“You have more than one?”

Lexa chuckled. “Go out with me and find out.”

Clarke pretended to think it over. “I’d love to,” she accepted, eyes shining.

* * *

Hmm. Maybe it wasn’t weakness.

**Author's Note:**

> The first half of this story is actually based on a conversation between me and my straight friend that I have a crush on. Unfortunately, the conclusion came from my head and not from her. But the fact that she has a whole story of how we could have gotten together does give me a bit of hope.


End file.
